Why Is Your Child Refusing to Go With the Other Parent?

Before deciding how to respond, try to understand what is causing the child’s resistance. Children can refuse time-sharing for many reasons, and those reasons do not all have the same significance.

A child may resist going to the other parent’s home because:

• the other parent has stricter household rules;
• the child was recently disciplined;
• the child wants to attend an activity with friends;
• school or homework conflicts with the schedule;
• the child dislikes moving between two households;
• there is conflict with a parent’s new spouse or partner;
• the child is angry with the other parent;
• the parent-child relationship has become strained;
• the child is experiencing anxiety or emotional difficulties;
• the child feels pressure from one of the parents; or
• the child has a legitimate concern involving safety.

A refusal therefore should not automatically be interpreted as proof that the other parent has done something wrong. It also should not automatically be dismissed as ordinary misbehavior.

The first objective is to understand what problem the child is communicating so the parents can determine how it should appropriately be addressed.

Listen to Your Child Without Interrogating Them

There is an important difference between listening to a child and investigating the other parent’s household through the child.

If a child spontaneously says, “I don’t want to go to Dad’s house because I’m upset about what happened yesterday,” it is reasonable to listen and allow the child to explain the concern.

Parents should be cautious about responding with leading questions such as:

• “Did Dad scare you?”
• “Was his girlfriend mean to you again?”
• “You don’t feel safe there, do you?”
• “What else did Mom do wrong?”

Questions that suggest the desired answer can influence the conversation and place the child directly in the middle of the parents’ conflict.

A calmer approach is to allow the child to describe what happened in the child’s own words while paying careful attention to any statement involving safety or potential harm.

Does a Child Have the Right to Refuse Time-Sharing in Florida?

A child’s refusal does not automatically cancel court-ordered time-sharing. An existing Florida parenting plan remains legally important unless it is modified or other appropriate relief is obtained.

Under Florida Statute § 61.13, a court may consider the reasonable preference of a child when the child has sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.

That does not mean the child becomes responsible for deciding the parenting schedule.

A child’s views can matter without giving the child unilateral authority to disregard the existing parenting plan.

For a detailed explanation of how Florida treats a child’s preference, see Greenberg Law’s Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With in Florida?

At What Age Can a Child Refuse to See the Other Parent?

Florida law does not establish a specific age—such as 12, 14, or 16—at which a minor child automatically receives the right to cancel court-ordered time-sharing.

Age can nevertheless matter from a practical standpoint.

A six-year-old who refuses to leave one parent’s home presents a different situation from a 16-year-old who strongly refuses to get into a vehicle. An older teenager may also be better able to explain concerns involving school, employment, extracurricular activities, transportation, household relationships, or other circumstances affecting the existing schedule.

The child’s age, maturity, reasons for the refusal, and surrounding circumstances may all require attention. But reaching a particular birthday does not automatically erase the parenting plan.

Should You Make Your Child Go With the Other Parent?

There is no responsible one-size-fits-all answer because the appropriate response depends heavily on the child’s age, the circumstances, the reason for the refusal, and whether a legitimate safety concern exists.

Parents generally should not treat court-ordered time-sharing as optional merely because the child says, “I don’t want to go.”

When no immediate safety concern exists, reasonable efforts to support the scheduled transition may include:

• having the child ready at the required time;
• calmly reminding the child of the parenting schedule;
• encouraging the child to participate in the scheduled time-sharing;
• avoiding negative comments about the other parent;
• reassuring the child without asking the child to choose sides; and
• communicating with the other parent when a significant problem develops.

At the same time, physically escalating a confrontation with an intensely resistant older child can present very different practical concerns from helping a younger child through an ordinary transition.

If the child reports a legitimate concern involving immediate danger, abuse, violence, or another serious safety issue, the situation should not be treated as an ordinary refusal.

Don’t Tell the Child, “You Don’t Have to Go”

A parent should be cautious about responding to resistance by immediately saying, “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to.”

That can effectively transfer responsibility for complying with the parenting plan from the parent to the child. It can also make the child feel responsible for choosing between the parents.

A better approach is to acknowledge the child’s feelings while recognizing that parenting-plan disputes are adult legal issues that should not be placed on the child.

What If Your Child Cries Before Every Exchange?

Some children have difficulty transitioning between households even when there is no abuse or serious parenting problem. A child may become upset before an exchange because leaving one parent and adjusting to another household can be emotionally difficult.

A child may cry or resist because the child:

• dislikes transitions between homes;
• misses the parent being left;
• feels anxious about a change in routine;
• has difficulty moving belongings between households;
• is tired or overwhelmed;
• anticipates different household rules;
• is worried about school, activities, or friends; or
• is experiencing broader emotional stress.

Repeated distress deserves attention, but crying by itself does not necessarily establish that the other parent’s home is unsafe or that court-ordered time-sharing should stop.

Parents should try to understand the reason for the distress without reinforcing the idea that becoming upset automatically allows the child to avoid the scheduled transition.

If the child’s distress becomes persistent, severe, or connected to specific concerns about the other household, the underlying issue may require closer attention.

What If Your Teenager Refuses to Go With the Other Parent?

Teenagers can create one of the most difficult practical time-sharing situations. A parent may reasonably wonder what to do when a 15-, 16-, or 17-year-old simply refuses to get into the car or leave the house.

An older teenager’s age and maturity can make the situation practically different from resistance by a young child. However, parents should avoid moving immediately from “My teenager refuses to go” to “The parenting plan no longer applies.”

Instead, try to determine why the teenager is refusing.

Possible issues can include:

• school responsibilities;
• employment;
• sports or extracurricular activities;
• transportation;
• friendships and social activities;
• household rules;
• conflict with a parent’s spouse or partner;
• a strained relationship with the other parent;
• emotional or developmental concerns;
• pressure or influence from one parent; or
• a legitimate safety concern.

A teenager’s thoughtful concerns may deserve serious consideration without giving the teenager complete responsibility for deciding the legal parenting arrangement.

Persistent resistance from an older child may indicate that the underlying parenting arrangement or parent-child relationship needs closer attention.

What If the Child Says They Are Afraid of the Other Parent?

A child’s statement involving fear should be taken seriously. Parents should distinguish ordinary resistance to time-sharing from a statement suggesting that the child may be unsafe.

There is a significant difference between a child saying:

“I don’t want to go because Dad makes me finish my homework before I can play video games.”

and a child saying:

“I’m afraid to go because someone hurt me.”

Potentially serious concerns can involve:

• physical abuse;
• sexual abuse;
• domestic violence;
• neglect;
• threats;
• dangerous substance misuse;
• unsafe supervision; or
• another circumstance suggesting immediate danger.

Listen carefully without telling the child what to say or repeatedly questioning the child in an attempt to obtain additional details.

If immediate danger exists, protecting the child should take priority over collecting more documentation or treating the situation as an ordinary disagreement about an exchange.

What If Your Child Alleges Abuse?

An allegation of abuse requires careful handling. A parent should neither automatically dismiss a child’s statement nor conduct an extensive personal interrogation in an effort to investigate the allegation.

Repeated or leading questioning can place additional pressure on the child and may affect the reliability of what the child later reports.

Depending on the circumstances, an appropriate response may involve obtaining legal guidance and contacting the appropriate authorities or professionals when required or necessary to protect the child.

When the circumstances suggest an immediate threat to the child’s safety, emergency intervention may need to be considered rather than waiting for an ordinary parenting dispute to work its way through the normal process.

Greenberg Law discusses urgent parenting situations in Emergency Child Custody Orders Florida. Parents dealing with domestic violence can also review Can a Parent Lose Custody for Domestic Violence in Florida?.

Should You Contact the Other Parent When the Child Refuses?

In many non-emergency situations, appropriate communication with the other parent can help clarify what is happening and demonstrate that the parent is attempting to address the problem rather than simply abandoning the time-sharing schedule.

Keep the communication factual and focused on the immediate parenting issue.

For example:

“She is refusing to get in the car and says she is upset about what happened yesterday. I am encouraging her to follow the schedule. We need to address what is causing this.”

That communicates the problem without declaring that the child now controls the parenting arrangement.

Compare that with:

“She hates going to your house, and I’m not making her anymore.”

The second statement can intensify the dispute and may suggest that the parenting plan is being unilaterally disregarded.

Communication should focus on addressing the child’s resistance rather than creating another argument between the parents.

Should You Document the Child’s Refusal?

Significant or repeated refusals may be worth documenting accurately. The purpose should be to preserve what happened, not to create an argumentative account designed to blame the other parent.

A factual record may identify:

• the scheduled time-sharing arrangement;
• what occurred at the exchange;
• what the child spontaneously said, if significant;
• what reasonable efforts were made to support the scheduled transition;
• relevant communication with the other parent; and
• how the situation was ultimately handled.

For example, instead of writing “My ex caused another horrible scene and traumatized our child,” record the specific events that occurred.

If the child makes a significant spontaneous statement, document the statement accurately without repeatedly questioning the child to obtain additional statements.

For more detailed guidance about maintaining relevant records during a parenting dispute, see Greenberg Law’s What Should You Document During a Florida Child Custody Dispute?

What If the Other Parent Accuses You of Withholding the Child?

When scheduled time-sharing does not occur, the other parent may believe that the child was intentionally withheld. This is one reason the parent’s response to the child’s refusal can become important.

Relevant circumstances may include:

• what the child actually did or said;
• whether the child was ready for the scheduled exchange;
• what efforts were made to encourage the child to follow the schedule;
• whether the other parent was informed about the problem;
• whether the refusal was isolated or recurring;
• whether the parent told the child that going was optional;
• whether either parent encouraged the refusal; and
• whether a legitimate safety concern existed.

A parent should not assume that simply stating “the child refused” automatically resolves questions about why court-ordered time-sharing did not occur.

Can a Parent Be Penalized When a Child Refuses Time-Sharing?

Potentially, depending on the circumstances. Florida law provides remedies when a parent refuses to honor another parent’s time-sharing rights without proper cause.

Under Florida Statute § 61.13, remedies can include make-up time-sharing and other relief authorized by law when the statutory requirements are satisfied.

The facts matter. There can be an important difference between a parent who makes reasonable efforts to comply but encounters serious resistance from an older child and a parent who encourages the child not to participate in time-sharing or treats the court order as optional.

When refusal becomes persistent, obtaining legal guidance can help a parent determine how to address the problem without allowing repeated noncompliance to become the family’s new informal parenting arrangement.

What If You Think the Other Parent Is Influencing the Child?

A child’s sudden or persistent refusal to participate in time-sharing may cause a parent to suspect that the other parent is influencing the child’s feelings or behavior.

That concern can be legitimate in some cases, but parents should avoid automatically assuming that every instance of resistance proves manipulation or improper influence.

Instead, focus on the child’s actual circumstances and any observable conduct. Potential concerns may include a parent:

• repeatedly criticizing the other parent in front of the child;
• telling the child that the other parent’s home is unsafe without a legitimate basis;
• encouraging the child to refuse scheduled time-sharing;
• rewarding the child for refusing to go;
• telling the child that the child is old enough to decide whether to follow the schedule;
• asking the child to take sides in parental disputes; or
• involving the child in adult litigation or disagreements.

If you believe inappropriate influence is occurring, avoid responding by attempting to influence the child in the opposite direction. Competing efforts to persuade the child can place the child even more deeply in the parents’ conflict.

Focus instead on specific conduct, the child’s well-being, and the appropriate way to address a recurring parenting problem.

What If the Child’s Refusal Keeps Happening?

One difficult exchange may reflect an isolated disagreement or a temporary problem. Repeated refusal can indicate that something larger needs attention.

Persistent resistance may involve:

• a strained parent-child relationship;
• difficulty with the existing time-sharing schedule;
• school or extracurricular conflicts;
• transportation problems;
• the child’s changing developmental needs;
• conflict within one of the households;
• parental influence;
• emotional or behavioral concerns;
• domestic violence, abuse, or another safety issue; or
• other significant changes affecting the child.

The longer persistent refusal continues without addressing the underlying cause, the more difficult the situation may become for the child and both parents.

Repeated resistance should therefore prompt a different question from simply, “How do I make my child go?”

The more useful question may be, “Why does this keep happening, and what needs to be addressed?”

When parents disagree about the appropriate response, Greenberg Law’s What Happens When Parents Cannot Agree on a Parenting Plan? provides additional information about unresolved parenting disputes.

Can the Parenting Plan Be Changed Because the Child Refuses to Go?

Potentially, but a child’s refusal does not automatically modify an existing parenting plan.

A persistent problem may become relevant when evaluating whether the existing parenting arrangement remains appropriate. However, the reason for the child’s refusal and the surrounding circumstances matter.

For example, an older teenager whose school, employment, transportation, and extracurricular responsibilities have substantially changed may present a different situation from a child who temporarily resists going to the other parent’s home because of household rules.

Likewise, repeated refusal connected to a serious deterioration in the parent-child relationship or a legitimate safety concern may require different consideration from an isolated disagreement.

Parents should avoid allowing repeated noncompliance to become an unofficial permanent replacement for the existing court order.

If circumstances have changed significantly, the appropriate question may be whether the parenting plan should be reviewed through the proper legal process rather than simply disregarded.

What NOT to Do When Your Child Refuses Time-Sharing

How a parent responds to a child’s refusal can either help address the underlying problem or make the situation more difficult. Several responses should generally be avoided.

Don’t Tell the Child They Are Old Enough to Decide

Florida does not establish a particular age at which a minor child automatically receives authority to disregard the court-ordered time-sharing schedule.

Don’t Celebrate or Reward the Refusal

A parent should avoid creating an incentive for the child to reject the other parent. Rewarding the child for staying home can reinforce the refusal and deepen conflict between households.

Don’t Criticize the Other Parent in Front of the Child

A child who is already struggling with time-sharing does not benefit from hearing one parent attack or ridicule the other.

Don’t Interrogate the Child

Listen when the child communicates a legitimate concern, but avoid repeatedly questioning the child until the child provides the answer you expect.

Don’t Coach the Child

Do not tell the child what to say to the other parent, attorneys, investigators, evaluators, or the court.

Don’t Immediately Assume Abuse or Manipulation

Legitimate allegations should be taken seriously, but a difficult exchange does not automatically prove abuse, manipulation, or improper parental influence.

Don’t Ignore Genuine Safety Concerns

The opposite mistake can be equally serious. A credible report involving abuse, violence, neglect, threats, or immediate danger requires appropriate attention.

Don’t Use the Child’s Refusal as Leverage

The child’s resistance should not become bargaining power in disputes concerning child support, property, money, or unrelated disagreements between the parents.

Don’t Assume One Difficult Exchange Permanently Changes the Parenting Plan

An isolated refusal does not automatically create a new parenting arrangement. If the existing parenting plan needs to change, the issue should be addressed through the appropriate process.

How Should You Respond to a Difficult Time-Sharing Exchange?

When there is no immediate safety concern, a calm and practical response can help prevent an already difficult exchange from becoming a larger confrontation.

1. Stay Calm

Avoid escalating the exchange into an argument in front of the child. A parent’s visible anger can increase the child’s anxiety and resistance.

2. Listen

Allow the child to explain why he or she is resisting without suggesting answers or conducting an interrogation.

3. Encourage the Scheduled Transition When Appropriate

Do not immediately tell the child that following the parenting schedule is optional. Make reasonable efforts appropriate to the child’s age and circumstances to support the scheduled transition.

4. Communicate Appropriately With the Other Parent

If a significant problem is occurring, communicate factually about what is happening and avoid turning the communication into an argument about unrelated issues.

5. Document Significant Events Accurately

If the refusal is significant or recurring, preserve a factual account of what occurred, including relevant communications and the steps taken to address the problem.

6. Look for Patterns

One difficult transition may be an isolated event. Repeated resistance under similar circumstances may indicate an underlying issue that needs attention.

7. Address the Underlying Problem

If refusal continues, focus on identifying and addressing the reason rather than simply repeating the same difficult exchange week after week.

Depending on the circumstances, persistent problems may require legal guidance or other appropriate professional assistance.

The Goal Is to Solve the Problem, Not Put the Child in Charge of It

A child who repeatedly refuses time-sharing is communicating that something is wrong from the child’s perspective. That does not necessarily mean the existing parenting plan is legally inappropriate, but the reason for the resistance deserves attention.

Parents should try to avoid two opposite responses:

Ignoring everything the child says

and:

Giving the child complete responsibility for deciding the parenting schedule.

Neither approach necessarily addresses the child’s needs.

The better objective is to understand why the child is resisting, protect the child when legitimate safety concerns exist, make reasonable efforts to comply with court orders when appropriate, and address persistent problems through the proper process.

How Greenberg Law Can Help When a Child Refuses Time-Sharing

A child’s refusal to participate in scheduled time-sharing can create difficult questions for both parents. One parent may believe the child has legitimate reasons for resisting, while the other may believe the parenting plan is being intentionally undermined.

Greenberg Law can help parents evaluate what is occurring, understand how Florida law applies to the existing parenting arrangement, and determine what options may be appropriate when refusal becomes a recurring problem.

Depending on the circumstances, Greenberg Law can assist with matters involving:

• parenting plans and time-sharing schedules;
• repeated refusal to participate in scheduled parenting time;
• disputes involving older children and teenagers;
• allegations of interference with court-ordered time-sharing;
• a child’s reasonable preference;
• parental influence and high-conflict parenting disputes;
• problems involving exchanges and transitions between households;
• domestic violence, abuse, or other child-safety concerns;
• emergency parenting issues;
• enforcement of existing parenting orders; and
• modification of parenting plans when legally appropriate.

The goal should be to understand what is causing the child’s resistance and address the underlying problem without unnecessarily placing the child in the middle of the parents’ conflict.

Talk With a Broward County Family Law Attorney About Time-Sharing Problems

If your child repeatedly refuses to go with the other parent, you are being accused of withholding the child, or you believe the refusal is connected to a serious problem in the other household, legal guidance can help you understand how to respond.

Waiting while repeated refusals continue can allow an already difficult situation to become more complicated. At the same time, parents should avoid making unilateral changes to an existing parenting arrangement without understanding the legal consequences.

Greenberg Law represents parents in Plantation, Fort Lauderdale, and throughout Broward County, Florida in matters involving parenting plans, parental responsibility, time-sharing, enforcement, modification, domestic violence, emergency parenting issues, and other child custody disputes.

A child’s refusal may be temporary, may reveal a problem that the parents can address, or may signal circumstances requiring closer legal attention. The appropriate response depends on why the child is refusing and the particular facts of the family.